Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
