So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
