he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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