I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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