Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
