I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
