ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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