Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
When did we convert life to cartoon?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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