I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
