His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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