I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
