So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
