I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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