I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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