i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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