His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You have to summon your inner elephant
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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