kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
