Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
