Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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