If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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