I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Vodka?
Forever.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I need to calm my uterus...
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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