I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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