Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
