i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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