Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
