your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
