my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
