Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
