i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
