I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
