they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
