sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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