Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
