jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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