so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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