the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
