I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
