She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
