Swine flu. Run for my life!
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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