Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
