I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
