Soap is not a condiment
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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