Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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