i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
