My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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