so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
