Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
