he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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