Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
