Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
