thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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