I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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