I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
