i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
4 words: hood of his car
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize