I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
