last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
