apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
