He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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