are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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