I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
