My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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