Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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